December 09, 2017
Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned!
What is a dentist’s favorite movie?
'Plaque to the Future'
What did the judge say to the dentist?
I don’t know. What?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do you call a dentist’s advice?
Not sure.
His fl ossophy.
What does a marching band member use to brush his teeth?
I have no idea.
A tuba toothpaste!
How are false teeth like stars?
Both only come out at night!
Why did the snowman visit the orthodontist?
To correct his frostbite.
Click here for more teeth jokes and funny teeth pictures
'Use your own toothbrush!' Tom bristled.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes, who?
Dishes how I talk since I lost my teeth!
'Life as a Dentist' by Flo Ride.
What will the dentist give you for $1?
Buck teeth!
Dentist: What kind of filling do you want in your tooth?
Child: Chocolate!
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
I don’t know. How?
His drill slipped.
Dentist: Hmm, it would appear that you have nice, even teeth.
Hockey Player: Thanks, doc.
Dentist: Unfortunately, it’s because teeth Nos. 1, 3 and 5 are missing.
What does a dentist call an astronaut’s cavity?
“A black hole.”
What did the dentist say to the judge in court?
'You can’t handle the tooth!'
How do you fix a broken tooth?
How?
With tooth paste!
Patient: What did you do before you became a dentist?
Dentist: I was in the Army.
Patient: What did you do in the Army?
Dentist: I was a drill sergeant.
'I Have a Toothache' by Phil McCavity.
Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
Tell me.
He needed a filling!
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
Why do dentists like potatoes?
Because they are so filling.
What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?
Fill me in when you get back.
What did the Kitchener dentist say to the computer?
This won’t hurt a byte.
What did the Guelph dentist see at the North Pole?
A molar bear.
What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
He braces himself.
Why didn’t the dentist ask his secretary out?
He was already taking out a tooth.
I got my job at the dentist’s office by word of mouth.
They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in crowns.
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
Dentists have their own flossify on how to keep teeth clean.
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?
A month later he was picking his teeth.
What does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.
What Do Dentists Call X-Rays?
Tooth pics!
What Happens When You Get a Gold Tooth?
You put your money where your mouth is.
How Do the Dentist and the Manicurist Fight?
Tooth and Nail.
Who Has the Most Dangerous Job in Transylvania?
Dracula's dentist.
Why Should You Be Nice to Your Dentist?
Because they have fillings too.
What Did the Werewolf Eat after He Had His Teeth Taken Out?
The dentist.
What Is a Dentist's Office?
A filling station.
What Was the Dentist Doing in Panama?
Looking for the Root Canal!
What Happens When You Go to the Dentist Multiple Times?
You know the drill.
Why Was the Dentist Considered a Guru?
They had their own flossify on how to keep teeth clean.
What's a Toothache?
A pain that drives people to extraction.
What Game Did the Dentist Play When She Was a Child?
Caps and robbers.
Why Do Dentists Seem Moody?
Because they always look down in the mouth.
What's the Difference Between a Dentist and a Sadist?
A dentist has newer magazines!
Why Did the Buddhist Refuse Novocaine During a Root Canal?
They wanted to transcend dental medication!
What do you get if you cross teeth with candy?
Dental floss.
What helps keep your teeth together?
Toothpaste.
What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth?
Tooth (truth) or Consequences.
I have an awful toothache.
I'd have it taken out if it was mine.
Yes, if it was yours, I would, too.
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste?
Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They all come out at night.
Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
I don't know. The dentist kept it.
Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by a haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes.
"What lovely pearls, dear Beatrice," she maliciously remarked. "Are they real?"
Yes, nodded Lady Peel. "Of course," the dowager declared, "you can always tell real pearls by biting them. May I try?"
"Gladly,"
Lady Peel replied. "But remember, Duchess, you can't tell real pearls with false teeth."
How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white?
BLEEEEEE-YATCH!
What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
Thar's gold in them thar fills.
Why is 4,840 square yards like a bad tooth?
Because it is an acre.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the
man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them.
"Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."
What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano?
He said, "Darling, you've got lovely teeth."
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese.
What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe?
A long necked toothbrush.
What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch!
A vampire with a rotten tooth.
Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs?
It had a suite tooth.
"Your teeth are like the stars," he said, As he pressed her hand, so white. He spoke the truth, for, like the stars, Her teeth came out at night!
What sort of an act do you do?
I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth.
Anything else?
Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.
Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I?
Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come out.
What's the best thing to put into a pizza?
Your teeth.
Why do you forget a tooth, as soon as the dentist pulls it out?
Because it goes right out of your head.
Why does a vampire clean his teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What did one tooth say to the other?
Get your cap on, the dentist is taking us out tonight.
What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out?
He ate the dentist.
A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set."
"Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you."
The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly.
"This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist."
"Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker."
Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?
To catch her false teeth.
What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
He ate himself!
What did the vampire call his false teeth?
A new fangled device.
Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own?
Actor: Whose do you think they are?
Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned!
What time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30)
What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
She braces herself!
What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A molar bear!
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"
A woman goes to the dentist. When he bows to begin to work, she grabs his balls. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you have taken my private zone."
The woman answers, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the filling station
Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world? "The Dentist will see you now."
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too." When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."
"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"
A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth. After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the patient says, " Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet when you are finished? "
The dentist replies " Sure you will! "
The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before! "
Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don’t worry, it's my first extraction too.
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.
Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.
When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this. "He's a fake ! " he told his mates. "He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."
Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"
Young Charlie to dentist's sexy chariside assistant "Aha ! Are you the lady orthodontist ?".
The lady replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth"
A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist!"
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Why yes. That's amazing. How did you determine that?"
The woman replied, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."
Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and... (*snip*)
After their passionate deed was done the woman remarked, "You must be a GREAT dentist!"
The guy was very surprised, and said 'Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist... You amaze me! And how did you know THAT, my dear?
His lover said, "That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."
Stammering Charlie to dentist's sexy secretary: "I have an appointment to get my morals - er molars checked."
Young lady to father "Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor "
"Dentist"
"Why father ?"
"We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!"
Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?"
"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door.
Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"
"To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."
A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentists surgery in an obvious state of agitation. The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her. She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the required equipment. When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.
So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.
Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realizing that the dentist had begun glaring at her, she said, "Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. I hate dentists. Why, I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled."
Replied the dentist " Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can accordingly adjust the chair."
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!!
Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $200
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.
What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
Having your dentist tell you.
Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket day-night game.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie.
A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn’t nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea?
Denis.
What did the dentist say to the golfer?
"You have a hole in one."
Why did the deer need braces?
He had buck teeth.
Why did the cheerleader go to the dentist?
She needed a root canal.
Why did the computer go to the dentist?
Because it had Bluetooth.
Why did the blonde go to the dentist?
Someone dented her car.
Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up candy, pizza, popcorn and gum, will my braces come off sooner? Dentist: Not really. It will just seem longer.
Me without you is like a nerd without braces, a shoe without laces, asentencewithoutspaces.
An orthodontist gets to the root of the problem.
Dentists are helping you put your money where your mouth is.
Your like my false teeth, I can't smile without you.
After my root canal I wasn't liking my dentist, then he made a good impression.
Ignore your teeth and they will go away.
A good dentist is a little picky, a great dentist never gets on your nerves.
Dentists brighten up the world, one smile at a time.
You don't have to brush all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep.
I was feeling a little crooked, but my dentist straightened me out.
When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of “Painless” dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this. “He’s a fake ! ” he told his mates. “He’s not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him – and he yelled like anyone else.”
“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” said the man to the receptionist.” “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you.” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again ?”
"Did you get your money?" ask the wife of the dentist who had just return from the delinquent patient's home.
"Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he insulted me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"
Dentist: "You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Holandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive.
It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
What to do you call an old dentist?
A bit long in the tooth.
Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill."
"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"
Papa, why is it that dentists call their offices dental parlors?"
"Because they are drawing-rooms, my son."
Patient:Do you extract teeth painlessly?
Dentist: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my wrist.
I believe that the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it.
"Have you ever come across a man who, at the slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"
"Yes, the dentist."
Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"
Why do people dislike going to the dentist?
Because he is boring.
What is a drill team?
A group of dentists who work together.
Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.
After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?"
"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"
"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist,
"Preparation H," said the redneck.
I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.
Father: Don't you feel better now that you've gone to the dentist?
Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.
Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors.
Doctor: Oh what a shame. I'm a dentist.
Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth?
Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood.
Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless.
Patient: I'm not.
I'm suffering from bad breath. You should do something about it!
I did. I just sent my wife to the dentist.
Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist. "I don't understand it," she complained, "I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80."
"It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist, "but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"
How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
As a dental hygienist, I always encourage patients to floss. During one cleaning, the dentist I work with asked my patient if he was "flossing religiously."
"Well," the man hedged, "I floss more often than I go to church."